Hayibo.com - Police confirm that COPE is missing

Police confirm that COPE is missing

JOHANNESBURG. Police officials have confirmed that the Congress of the People is officially missing and that efforts are underway to find its last known whereabouts. "Nobody has seen or heard from COPE since the day after the election," said spokesman Matlock Mpahla. "Obviously its voters are very worried and want their party to be found as soon as possible."

The Congress of the People, known as COPE thanks to its leadership's inability to spell, was formed in late 2008.

Under the campaign banner of "Different Name, Same Gravy Train", the party promised voters a range of non-specific "good things", to be provided by hypothetical departments, staffed by people to be appointed at a later date, who were possibly still members of the ANC or planned to become members of the ANC again depending on where the money was coming from.

However, according to the 1.3-million South Africans who voted for COPE – including 1.2-million people who accidentally voted for it after mistaking it for the ANC's Eastern Cape branch – there has been no sign of the party or its leadership since April 23rd.

COPE stalwart Ramora Xaba said she voted for the party because she had received an SMS from Thabo Mbeki promising her a lounge suite from Lubners.

"I didn't get the lounge suite," she said. "Now I am doubting whether the SMS really was from Thabo Mbeki."

She said she had "always been a bit fuzzy on who was in charge" of the party, but had expected some sort of message from party leadership after the election, "even if it was just another SMS promising me a lounge suite in 2014".

However, this morning Xaba's worst fears were realised when police confirmed that the party is officially missing.

According to SAPS spokesman Matlock Mpahla a missing party docket had been opened and officers were being briefed to be on the lookout for Mvume Dandala or Mbhazima Shilowa or Mosiuoa Lekota, or all three together, or two of the three, depending on which ones were on speaking terms with each other.

He said witnesses had last seen the missing party on April 23rd, when neighbours heard a heated argument taking place late at night over "who would get to keep the cash and who got to take the 29-million extra T-shirts".

Mpahla urged the public to get involved with the search, but warned them that COPE could be difficult to identify.

"It looks pretty much exactly like the ANC," he said. "However we suspect that it might be starting to decompose, so if anyone sees an ANC clone that smells of desperation, please report it at once to your nearest police station."