Hayibo.com - German soccer team asked not to invade Poland, France

German soccer team asked not to invade Poland, France

PARIS. Small European countries have asked Germany to clarify statements made last week that revealed that its footballers would wear bulletproof vests in South African in 2010 and be accompanied by armed guards. "We just want to know: by 'armed guards' do they mean 400 divisions of mobile infantry?" asked a Czech spokesman.

"It's not that we don't trust the German football team," said Pavel Pavlova at a meeting of concerned traditional European victims. "It's just we get a bit twitchy when we hear an up-beat German team talking about 'launching a campaign' and saying that 'it will all be over by July 2010'."

He said that the delegates had become "a little more anxious than usual" when they heard last week that the German team would be wearing bulletproof vests in South Africa.

"When they say 'bulletproof vests', are we talking Kevlar body armour or a column of Tiger tanks with 4-inch armour plating?" asked Pavlova.

He said the delegates had also wondered why the German needed vests and guards when most South Africans managed to get by with only minimal armour plating.

"Most of the locals take a 9-mil slug to the chest before breakfast and still get to work on time," he said.

The delegation, representing Poland, the Czech Republic, France and other countries with no natural defenses or non-aggression pacts, also asked the German Football Association to provide a detailed map of its planned route to South Africa in 2010 "to prevent any unfortunate incidents featuring the over-zealous use of surface-to-air rocketry".

Meanwhile South Africa has reassured the German football team, saying that it has nothing to fear except fear itself and possible machine-gunning by police officers.

"As long as you don't make eye contact with any SAPS members, or drive on a public road, or get in the way of a blue-light convoy, or go to any shopping malls in Gauteng, or leave any building in Durban after dusk, or walk on Table Mountain without sniper cover, you'll be absolutely fine," said Deputy Tourism Minister Happytime Ndlovu.

He said his team was currently refining its new marketing slogan, adding that he had not yet decided between 'South Africa: It's Probably Safer Than Baghdad' and 'South Africa: It's Not As Bad As You Think'.